How to be creative... (Part Three - Pens and Chairs)

So here is my latest epiphany. I think that my search to know how to be truly creative is forcing me also to search for who I am. In the studios where I work, students can book a weekly studio time in a specific studio. This really is the best way of doing things, since you know that every week, you have at least that time to work in the studios. What I have found, though, is that after a couple of weeks in one studio, I am no longer able to work productively, so I have to move on somewhere else. One week I spent three hours working under the piano in the main studio. Why? Heaven only knows, but it seemed to work - I got a fair amount of work done. So there's another question I am unable to answer: What is the most productive working environment for me? I starting to believe that nowhere really is, but that I need constant change.
This is just the latest in a long list of what I have considered important in order to compose. For most of this year, I have pinned creative difficulties not on myself, but on what I need in order to be able to compose successfully (whatever that means!!). Adorno was the first to confuse: He made me realise that a full and comprehensive knowledge of musical material (see 'it's not the taking part...') was required of me and I'm pretty sure I don't have that, but then, who does? Then Morton Feldman was next (Actually, fellow-composer and friend Ben Kamen alerted me to what Feldman said, so I guess it's his fault), with his assertion that a decent pen and chair was necessary. This actually led to dramatic actions for which I am not proud. Suffice to say I returned the pen.


Morty... Bastard ruined my life

"All those things, having the right pen, a comfortable chair...if I had the right chair, I'd be like Mozart."
Morton Feldman

I wanted to be like Mozart, and I figured that Feldman might have something in his train of thought. Now, of course, I recognise that as a little misguided. Don't get me wrong, I think those kind of things can have an influence, but not that much influence!! I recognise that things like pens, chairs, computers or a nice room are things that can certainly help the creative capacity, but they can't compose for me (But damn, I wish they could!!), so the issue must lie ultimately with me. Which means I need to look at myself and work things out.
I have been banging on for ages about not wanting to "compose by numbers", using formulae and charts to write music, because I know that's a cop-out. A brickie is not an architect and likewise, a musical constructivist is not a composer. So how the hell could I have struggled with this for so long without realising that if I really want to compose, the compositional capacity lies within me, not a pen or chair!! Morty, you're a fool!! (Well, you would be if you weren't already dead!)

Credit for finding the Feldman quotation must go to Canadian Nicole. Cheers!