Sunday, April 03, 2005

A sense of identity?

It must be nice to be someone who has a real sense of identity. I mean in terms of belonging. The Welsh, Scottish, Irish, American, Australian, etc. all have a sense of identity, of belonging to somewhere. Somewhere they can call home. Even some English folk have this, such as Geordies, Scousers, real Cockneys, even Brummies. I'm sure they're quite proud of they're regional heritage. They know they belong somewhere and so does everyone else, because their accents are undeniable proof of their membership.
I'm really a Southern lad. I come from Thatcham in Berkshire, which is basically nowhere. Hoity-toity Newbury is very nearby, where everyone has a delusion of grandeur, mainly because of the racecourse (I'm sure all racecourse towns must be like this). Reading is the nearest major town and it isn't really a place you'd visit in a hurry. But the worst thing for me has been the lack of a unified identity. Nobody wants to belong to Thatcham and I don't blame them. My parents are two born and bred Liverpudlians and I couldn't be more jealous. I try to cling on to this and claim for myself some of this belonging, but I think I'm going to stop, because it really is hopeless. I even applied to the University of Liverpool so that I could resettle there and feel that belonging. It's time I stopped pretending or even wishing. I'm not from Liverpool, I am from Thatcham. Screw it, why should I be ashamed of that?
I guess this is now where I condemn myself for being so self-centred and insecure. As a Christian, I should have discarded this desperation to belong to somewhere else other than Thatcham, because it really isn't important. The only important fact is that I belong to Jesus and my citizenship is in Heaven. That is where I am destined to belong and my identity is in belonging to Jesus. Even writing those words make me feel excited and want to throw away any shame or pride of where my home is. Indeed, even in terms of being British and English, which I have held on to with some pride in the past, I wish that pride to go, because I guess it doesn't matter that much. I happen to like England and I don't wish to pretend to be something I am not, so I shall continue to be an Englishman, but whose identity is not in being an Englishman, but belonging to Jesus.

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